You know the scenario: Friends are coming over and you’ve procrastinated all week and haven’t cleaned the house. Now you’re wigging out because you’ve got less than two hours and nothing to show for yourself but a sloppy house and an empty pantry. This happens to me almost every other weekend, so I’ve compiled a handy check-off list for speed cleaning. It covers exactly what needs to be done to make it look like you live a neat and tidy life. My husband and I try to beat our old record each time we entertain. Our best time—for everything on the list—is 17 minutes. I am NOT kidding; we are like a friggin’ pit crew. Make sure to enlist your husband and kids to help; it’s their house too.
LAST-MINUTE CLEANING CHECKLIST
1. The toilet
At some point, somebody’s going to need to pee. The toilet needs to be spotless if company is coming. Keep disinfecting wipes in your kitchen and baths; they’re great. Like baby wipes, all you do is rip them out of the tub and wipe—instant shiny and clean.
Run one over your sink, then hit the seat of the toilet (don’t forget the underside). Check the mirror. Empty the wastebasket. Check for any hair on the floor. Run a wipe over the worst—who’s got time to mop?
BTW: All of the eco-companies are coming out with their own versions of non-toxic recycled or recyclable wipes, so don’t feel guilty.
2. Clutter
I try to keep some sort of basket with a lid in every room. Ikea makes a big basket “trunk” that can serve as a coffee table and a clever stash spot for toys and blankets. Scan all the horizontal surfaces in your home. Are any of the surfaces cluttered with old mail, remote controls, dishes, and homework? Loads of clutter makes you look like a total slob, so this is a priority. If you’re in a real pinch, grab a trash bag, or laundry hamper. Load it with your clutter, and hide it in a closet. Don’t forget that the dishwasher and oven work well as temporary stashes for dirty dishes. Just don’t forget to empty out the clutter when the guests leave.
3. Floors
This is the area where you can probably cut some corners. I find that running a vacuum over the carpet and floors is just fine. If you’ve got any sticky spills, hit them with some spray cleaner and a Swiffer-type mop. Another option is to spray some cleaner on two rags. Throw them on the floor, and get your kids to skate around on them instead of using the mop. Concentrate on the high-traffic areas only. Remember, we are cutting corners here; if you’re lifting furniture or getting on your knees at any point, you’re overdoing it—take it down a notch.
4. Excessive Dust
A little dust is fine; no one sees it but you. However, if it’s come to the point where the dust is thick (perhaps the children have scrawled WASH ME on the dining table), it’s time to grab a duster. It’s always a good idea to polish your finer wood pieces with quality wood oil when you can, but for those in-between times, I find a feather duster works just fine. For the half-assed housekeeper, it’s the perfect tool. The beauty of the old-school duster is that it’s much more of a redistributor of dust than a true cleaner. It gets rid of enough dust so that you won’t notice the spots you missed, and you save valuable time because you can just dust around those pesky knick-knacks, frames, and vases without having to lift and move them. If you have allergies, there are loads of disposable dusters on the market. They do a superb job of removing the dust in a hurry. You can also use facial tissues. You have to use the ones with lotion. Puffs and Kleenex both carry tissues with lotion. Great for your nose, great for dusting in a pinch.
5. The Fridge
If you are having a dinner party, someone is bound to ask if they can help and reach for the refrigerator. This is the one place where clutter and disorganization is fine but sticky grossness is not. Clean any puddles or drips with a swipe of disinfecting wipe, and dump any suspicious-looking leftovers.
6. Mirrors
Slightly dusty or filmy is fine, but if you have fingerprints, smudges, or splatters, grab a bottle of glass cleaner and a microfibre cleaning cloth. Microfibre cloths don’t leave streaks and can be washed and used over and over again.
7. Cobwebs
Check ceilings and light fixtures. Chandeliers can be the worst offenders, so double-check that dining room fixture before the dinner party.
8. Your Bed
In a perfect world, you would make your bed and tidy the bedroom. But let’s face it, you probably don’t have time for this. If you find yourself strapped for time, just shut the bedroom door (and lock it).
FYI: This plan will not work if you are having guests over for the first time. They always want a tour. See page 38 for my simple bedding and bed-making advice.
9. You
Save primping till the end. All that speed-demon housework is bound to wreck your look. You want to be ravishing, so better to freshen up afterward. However, feel free to move this step up if you’re running out of time.
10. The Final Touch
Spray a fine midst of non-toxic spray cleaner in the air right by the front door. You didn’t really clean anything, but it smells like you did. Remember, perception is reality.
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